Saint Arbutus

In spite of still being alive, Arbutus was promoted to Saint Level 1 early in the mid-80s. Many people, including followers have tried (unsuccessfully) to kill Arbutus. These assassination attempts are often misguided and even capricious. However, in what is rumored to be his 300 year long life, Arbutus has never actually perished.

Early in his career, his followers attempted to View Him as a God. However, Arbutus refused this mantle. His curt, though revealing refrain was, "It's not worth The Hassle."

Recipients of Saint Level 1 designation receive higher credit ratings, access to more cable channels and limitless access to The Glass Elevator.

Arbutus still bears the mark of a Would-Be Assassin's bullet in the middle of his forehead.

Arbutus is registered at Target® and Linens 'n' Things™.